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Joke of the Day

"It's nothing serious, we're not dating or anything, we just sometimes get brunch together, were just Friends with Benedict."

"doc: how is your headache? she: he is doing fine."

"How do comedians send messages? By tee-hee mail."

"Some people are like 5yr olds, they shake heads in agreement, but you KNOW by the look in their eyes, they have no clue what you just said."

"TIFU by eating my roommates lunch Oops, wrong sub"

"I'm a pediatrician. Oh, so you're into feet? Uh no...children. Isn't that illegal?"

"When I'm dead, these tweets will be worth twice as much."

"I plan to forgive and forget. Forgive myself for being stupid and forget you ever existed."

"What do you have in a room full of tweakers? A full set of teeth."

"Two-thirds of America's Funniest Home Video winners spent their prize money on heroin."