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Joke of the Day

"""Mom, I'm sorry I'm not a doctor."" -Me ""It's okay if you're not a doctor, or anything else."" -Mom So true, much wow, no shock."

"Relationship or hallucination? Either way, I'm seeing somebody."

"Why did Microsoft name their new operating system Windows 10? Because Windows 7 8 9!"

"Am I in the Mile High Club if I jerk off under a blanket on a plane? Just kidding, United doesn't have blankets. Sorry lady in seat 21B"

"I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car."

"How many lazy people does it take to screw in a light bulb? Count for yourself..."

"What do you call a tavern that only serves baby foxes and adult felines? Kit Cat Bar"

"Some days, I wish I had a button to restore myself to my original factory settings"

"Skipping School Grandpa: ""Go hide, your teacher is here because you skipped school today!"" Boy: ""No you go hide. I told her you were dead!"""

"Why does Santa have 3 houses? One for each of his hoes."