219042

Joke of the Day

"What do you call an aardvark good with a light saber? A darthvark!"

"I'd always wondered why they didn't make pencils with erasers on either side Then I realised there wouldn't be any point."

"Girl on my kids hockey team is a real whore She even got two minutes for hooking."

"Apple made an app for their watch, called i-Bro, which lets you connect to all your homies Feminists were upset they didn't name an app similarly for women."

"[at bar] Gee, I'm so hungry I could eat a horse *nearby horse slams down his whisky* COME ON THEN TOUGH GUY *horse throws the 1st punch*"

"I'm never marrying anyone else that I find on craigslist."

"I want to be rich enough to leave the house-sitter notes like: ""If the cheetah looks bored, jog him on the treadmill. He can watch Friends."""

"You know why there are very few American bees these days? They are being replaced by H1Bees."

"Girls are like blackjack... I'm trying to go for 21 but I always hit on 14."

"TIL that it is difficult to be a good person as there is only so small a distance between an asshole and a pussy."