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Joke of the Day

"[at bar] Gee, I'm so hungry I could eat a horse *nearby horse slams down his whisky* COME ON THEN TOUGH GUY *horse throws the 1st punch*"

"I'm tired of this one night stand mentality in college... I have multiple lamps and alarm clocks, I need at least two night stands."

"Slowly, Waldo's wife and Mr. Sandiego started putting the pieces together"

"I think gambling hotlines would be more effective if every fifth caller won a prize."

"What do doctors do with the foreskins from circumcisions? Sell them to gay guys as chewing gum."

"My wife is leaving me because of my obsession with Star Wars'. I said: ""May divorce be with you."""

"I got a girl's number today! All I had to do was hit her car."

"D&D character name I'm going to make a half man half horse cleric and name it centaur for disease control"

"Half of all the people who go to an abortion clinic come out alive..."

"I'm not saying you're on twitter too much, but your six-year-old is running an arms trade with the Mexican drug cartel out of his tree fort."