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Joke of the Day

"Overheard a girl just say she's full because she ate at 3:00. It's 6:00. How can you stay full for THREE HOURS, alien?"

"BBC NEWS: Government plans to ban all Internet porn. On an unrelated note, does anyone want to buy a laptop?"

"What does Paul Atreides do when he wants the last glass of water? He calls Muad'Dibs on it"

"Today's interpretive dance was brought to you by ""Spider On My Shirt"". Up next we have ""Oh jeeze, where did it go?!"""

"[dropping kids off at school] ME: Ok, learn a lot today KIDS: But school doesn't start for another week ME: *speeding off* GOOD LUCK"

"An Indian diabetic wasn't following his diet... You could say that he was naan-compliant."

"How do you make an elephant fly? First, you get a great big zipper..."

"Mom, can you take us to the maul? -teen bears, probably"

"What is the recipe for honeymoon salad? Lettuce alone, without dressing. I remembered this today from a joke book I had when I was a kid. Wasn't sure if it should be here or /r/dadjokes"

"I don't want to sound ignorant, but if I can't understand something, then it's stupid and I hate it."