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Joke of the Day

"[dropping kids off at school] ME: Ok, learn a lot today KIDS: But school doesn't start for another week ME: *speeding off* GOOD LUCK"

"I think I'm a mushroom Everyone keeps me in the dark and feeds me bullshit."

"What happened when the cannibals ate a comedian? They had a feast of fun."

"I told my date I was depressed. I added, ""not like cut my inner thigh depressed, but sleep with you even though I don't like you depressed."""

"this one is courtesy of a friend of mine... so did you hear about ku klux kineeval(sorry if ,misspelled)... ...he tried to jump 20 black guys while on a steamroller!"

"Did you know Helen Keller is on the back of the Alabama quarter? ""No, and I bet she hasn't heard about it."" ""She probably hasn't seen it either."""

"Boss: You're late! On Friday, I made it clear that anyone arriving late would be fired Me: Well I didn't know! I ducked out early on Friday"

"I've got a friend whose nickname is ""Shagger"". You might think that's pretty cool. She doesn't like it"

"Well, that didn't work. Anybody need 1000 custom candy hearts saying ""Threesome?"""

"Now that Steve Jobs is gone we'll never ever know why c**t autocorrects to Cynthia. WHO WAS CYNTHIA?!?"