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Joke of the Day

"Why did the tomato blush red? Because it saw salad dressing! :D Just like I saw your mom dressing Cause she's a skank Come at me, Reddit. Come at me"

"[Storm into Octopus Boss' office] I want a raise or I quit! [Octopus Boss is almost done camouflaging against the fern] NOT THIS TIME"

"You're 15 and miss the 90's? Yeah, I'm sure those were the best 2 years of your life. Shitting in your pants and eating dirt."

"An Irishman walks out of a bar... !!!"

"I like my coffee like i like my women... ...from a third world country and at a reasonable price!"

"What's an avocado's favorite music? Guac N' Roll"

"I went to a Nautica outlet store They had sails on everything"

"Whats a pirates favourite letter??? Youd think itd be rrrrr but tis the sea."

"Home Alone 6: Homeland Security - Everyone in Washington D.C. has gone on vacation and left Kevin in charge!"

"How does Megatron get away with raw-dogging it? Decepticondoms."