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Joke of the Day

"""Can I have more of these mouse spears?"" ""Sir those are toothpicks"" ""I need 1000 for my army. We march at dawn"""

"Stevie Wonder's housekeepers probably don't do a damn thing all day long."

"""yes I'm very good in bed"" *folds blanket and neatly props up pillow* *pillow falls over* ""Oh no, this doesn't normally happen I swear"""

"You know you're on drugs when you're talking to your kids about drugs and you don't have any kids."

"*im watching a babe on a trampoline when her boob pops out* ""whoah"" *her other boob pops out* ""WHOAH"" *a third boobs pops out* ""WHOOOAAHHHH"""

"Who translated ""The Flat-Chested Woman"" from the original Russian? Vasily Bithertitoff"

"I walked into the pharmacist's office and asked for condoms for my 12 year old son. The pharmacist asked ""is your son sexually active?"" I replied with ""no he just lays there and cries."""

"Irish Problems.... Q:How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irish man? A: None! (potato famine) Old one, i did not make, nor do i take any credit."

"My cousin told everyone he could do a backflip. We all gathered around him. He said, ""I can't do it if you're watching."" #MyFamilyIsWeird"

"How do you know when your sister is on her period? when your dad's dick tastes like blood"