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Joke of the Day

"What happens when you sing a country music song backwards? You get your wife, truck, and land back."

"A girl told me she loved vintage once... So I locked her in the kitchen and told her she couldn't vote"

"My dad got fired for having sex with one of his patients the other day. Which is a shame because he was a really good vet."

"My angry wife said: ""I hope you spend an eternity in hell !"".... I said, ""Why wait? I'll take you clothes shopping right now""."

"What if firemen acted like policemen and just drove around shooting water at anyone who looked like they might catch on fire."

"What was the cat painting A self pawtrait."

"GENIE 1: he wanted money so i made him a bank robber, ha GENIE 2: i just...gave mine money GENIE 1: LMAO YOU GUYS, JERRY JUST GAVE IT TO HIM"

"""This bouquet is missing some flowers"" I said lackadaisically."

"What do KFC and Tumblr have in common? Transfats"

"My waterproof phone is advertised in commercials with people surfing and kayaking and here I am tweeting in the shower."