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Joke of the Day

"A girl told me she loved vintage once... So I locked her in the kitchen and told her she couldn't vote"

"What did one ocean say to the other? I'm not completely shore, but it must have been pretty deep."

"There are too many people who could ruin my life by posting a screenshot of a text conversation we've had."

"I didn't sign up for the 401k at work, because there's no way I can run that far."

"A Roman guy walks into a bar He holds up two fingers and says ""five beers please"""

"I wonder if Ninja-Siri wields Cortanas."

"What's the difference between a woman and a computer? You can actually punch information into a computer."

"What does getting pregnant and locking your car keys in your car have in common? They can both be fixed with a coat hanger."

"Remember when we cried as kids and our parents said, ""I'll give you something to cry about"" We thought they were going to hit us but instead they destroyed the housing market."

"Spelling error to avoid: ""Biden"" is the name of the Vice President, ""bidet"" is your butt-washer."