217159

Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the mohel with no knife? He was a ripoff."

"How did the Allies have time to prepare D-Day? Because Russia was Stalin"

"Somewhere, someplace, there's a hole in the world & inside it there's a bunch of gremlins hoarding the 50,000 lighters I can't find."

"Husband is leaning dangerously out of window whilst he cleans it. Only thing stopping me from shoving him out is that he cleans the windows"

"Damn girl, are you my cable remote? Because you are weirdly designed and very confusing, and does this row of buttons even do anything?"

"Jesus only ever had one orgasm in his life We're still waiting for the Second Coming"

"Husband just asked if I was too drunk to cook dinner. Ha! Does he think I'm some sort of amateur? *googles how to cover up burnt eyebrows*"

"What do you call an army of toddlers? Infant-ry. *insert cringe here*"

"*knock knock* Go away I'm not home ""I can hear you"" I can hear you too..go away ""I brought food"" What kind of food"

"I hate how much time my kids spend staring at their iPads. I wish they'd look up once in a while & pay attention to me staring at my iPhone."