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Joke of the Day

"Husband just asked if I was too drunk to cook dinner. Ha! Does he think I'm some sort of amateur? *googles how to cover up burnt eyebrows*"

"What was Spider Man's major in college? Web Design."

"co-pilot: ""ask in a way that won't panic everyone"" pilot: ""ok"" [via intercom] ""is there a fireman on the plane?"""

"What's the difference between a man in plain clothes riding a unicycle and a man in a tuxedo riding a bike? Attire"

"What did Hillary Clinton say when Bill wanted a new Saxophone ""Not until you get rid of that HarMonica."""

"Coworker: I lost my phone. Me: WHAT? CW: I don't know where it is. M:*perplexed look* You're not glued to it like a NORMAL person? Freak!"

"I bet when David Hasselhoff gets too drunk he roams the streets screaming ""KITT!"" When he can't find his car."

"As a kid, I put snowballs in the blender to make a slushy. Snowballs was a good cat..."

"What's the difference between ooooooh and aaaaaaaah ? About 3 inches"

"I'll never understand why anyone would want to kidnap a child, kids suck."