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Joke of the Day

"Somewhere, someplace, there's a hole in the world & inside it there's a bunch of gremlins hoarding the 50,000 lighters I can't find."

"What is Hitler's least favorite drink? Orange Jews"

"I've made the front page 5 times! The girls on /r/creepyPMs are really mean and don't understand the P means Private."

"What's the difference between Woody from Toy Story and a priest? Only one of them goes limp when a child walks into a room."

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."

"Why do cannibal children go to the hospital? Because their mothers told them to eat their vegetables."

"I guess my least favorite author is probably Hitler"

"Why do elephants have 4 feet? Because in the animal kingdom 6 inches just wont do"

"To all the waiters out there: we don't get impressed when you try to memorize our orders, we just get nervous."

"*goes on job interview* -You come very highly recommended. -Why thank you, I always try to be as stoned as possible before I come to work."