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Joke of the Day

"I hate how much time my kids spend staring at their iPads. I wish they'd look up once in a while & pay attention to me staring at my iPhone."

"5-year-old: Dad, can you make the rain go away? Me: Someone more powerful than me controls the weather. 5-year-old: Me: 5-year-old: Mom?"

"ISIS is knocking on my door recruiting... Cause I just bombed this physics test."

"Where does a redditor get most of his news from? The Hydraulic Press"

"I accidentally swallowed some scrabble tiles, my next crap could spell disaster!"

"What's green, fuzzy, has four legs and would kill you if it fell out of a tree and landed on you? A pool table"

"Where do suicide bombers go when they die? Everywhere."

"What happened to the man who tried to cross a lioin with a goat ? He had to get a new goat !"

"Stephen Harper's Campaign Against Trump ""Donald Trump: He's just too old"""

"Hooker What did the guy say to the hooker after he was finished? Well I'm going to leave it with you!"