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Joke of the Day

"I can't listen to orchestral music anymore Too much sax and violins."

"[Pizza falls on the ground] Hold HOLD! -Germ boss telling his minions not to jump on the pizza until it's been a full five seconds."

"Why do many people call my penis the 'Big Mac'? Because it doesn't look as good or as big as it did in the adverts. :("

"I just went on a date with a woman that had 12 nipples.. Sounds funny, dozen tit?"

"MARRIAGE PROPOSAL TIP: Get down on 1 knee. Ok, now the other. Great! Lie flat on your face. Quickly roll away don't get married you idiot."

"I was once accused of stealing money from work. I didn't do it but it was nice to know management also thought I wasn't getting paid enough."

"I recently got sick at the airport, my doctor says it's a terminal illness."

"Q: What did the ghost say on December 25th? A: Scary Christmas!"

"Ok you with pneumonia, go sit between the perfectly healthy lady and the guy with the blood shooting out of his leg and wait. -hospitals"

"Someone told me a story of a mountain climber... It ended with a cliffhanger."