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Joke of the Day

"I was once accused of stealing money from work. I didn't do it but it was nice to know management also thought I wasn't getting paid enough."

"(First date) Me: Don't let her know you're a satanist Her: So what do you do for fun? Me: WHATEVER THE DARK LORD COMMANDS"

"Pogo, Radio So two polar bears are sitting in a bathtub. To the left of them is a sink. One of the polar bears turns on the bath water, and the other says, ""Pogo, radio."""

"If you drop your cellphone in water put it in a bowl of rice... It will attract an Asian who will fix it for you. (just heard from buddy of mine)"

"What do you call a fat woman with a rape whistle? Optimistic"

"Yo mamma so fat... That when she fell, no one was laughing but the ground was cracking up"

"What do you call a Jewish vampire? Nosferajew!"

"It's hard dating with OCD... ...every time my girlfriend gets turned on, I have to turn her off again."

"this one has claws This one swims but can't fly This one is huge & runs funny This one bangs his head against trees - god making birds"

"""What attracted you to our company?"" Well, I heard you pay money in exchange for work"