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Joke of the Day

"How do you make an elephant float? A can of coke, a scoop of vanilla ice cream, and an elephant."

"I've written a book about reverse psychology Please don't buy it."

"I fear my neighbor may be stalking me, she's been googling my name last night on her computer. I saw it clearly through my binoculars."

"[girl texting me] you left a sprite in my fridge [CUT TO] Me, crossing step one off of my ""secretly move in with her"" plan"

"I think most of you probably already know about the first rule of Assumption Club."

"Sex is like CPR. Two inches at 100 beats per minute."

"What did the pirate say with the steering wheel in his pants? Arrgh, it's driving me nuts!"

"Why Couldn't 3 Fall Asleep ? He was afraid , he would make an ass of himself ."

"What was the executioner's favorite shampoo? Head and shoulders."

"(NSFW) It's been just over 10 years since we lost the Crocodile Hunter. He was a man of morals that died the same way that he lived... With animals in his heart."