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Joke of the Day

"""I love accounting!"" -Italian guy who loves to count."

"What did the acorn say when it grew up? Geometry"

"""I'm a good person, obviously."" --everyone"

"What's a feminist's favorite rapper? Feminem"

"[NSFW] I'm almost legal and want to discuss sex with my parents but I'm worried how incest will affect our relationship."

"If To Catch a Predator was a TLC show it would have ended with Chris Hanson getting caught by himself"

"How do you fix a broken gorilla? With a monkey wrench."

"Croutons and cherry tomatoes are the natural enemies of the plastic fork."

"ME: *pointing gun* Give me everything. WORKER: Sir, this is a pet shelter. ME: I know. *carried off into the sunset by a wave of animals*"

"Two cannibals were having their dinner. One said to the other ""I don't like your friend."" The other one said ""Well put him to one side and just eat the vegetables."""