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Joke of the Day

"Hey Ben Carson, at this point in your craziness? Just say you're Iron Man. What could it hurt?"

"The principal at my school called me in to his office today. He said ""I've just had a rock thrown through my window, are you responsible?"" No, I'm irresponsible. That's why I threw it."

"iPhone 5s fitted with fingerprint recognition. I'll sleep easier knowing that if my phone gets stolen, they'll likely chop off my hand too."

"I've haven't eaten gluten for a week... and I, personally, already feel *so* annoying."

"Why are schools red? You would be too if you had 7 periods a day."

"Out of all Katherine Heigl films, I enjoyed the one where she starts with being a prude but ends up having fun with a guy and falls in love."

"The sign said: FIRST PRESBYTERIAN CHURCH, but I doubt it."

"If Miley Cyrus really wanted to shock us at the VMAs, she'd show up in a burka covered in a snowsuit and slowly add more clothing each hour."

"What did it say on the former chairman of the Hypochondriac Association's tombstone? Told you!"

"Confucius say... Man who run in front of car get tired."