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Joke of the Day

"If Miley Cyrus really wanted to shock us at the VMAs, she'd show up in a burka covered in a snowsuit and slowly add more clothing each hour."

"For weeks I thought my neighbor was keeping his car under one of those car covers. As it turns out, it was just his old car's ghost."

"You would think that with the sun being 109 times the diameter of Earth... ...that it would be hard to lose it at night right? So I sat outside for the whole night, and then it dawned on me."

"I have beautiful children Thank god my wife is having affairs"

"People tell you to make yourself at home but then look confused when you drink their liquor and take a nap in the kitchen"

"What do you call five Mexicans drowning at the bottom of their pool? Cinco."

"You can call John Lennon a genius all you want, but the simple fact is he married Yoko Ono. Thats a big strike against the genius part."

"You knock on the melon to test freshness but something knocks back"

"Everybody's talking about the super obnoxious drunk guy at the bar last night. I was at that same bar and I didn't even notice him. Weird."

"How does a blacksmith know you farted? He smelt it"