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Joke of the Day

"If you run in front of a car, you get tired. If you run behind a car, you get exhausted."

"I want to be as annoying as a vegetarian but still eat meat so I'm telling people I only eat chicken. I'm calling myself a ""poultrivore""."

"Good cop: Just relax Moody cop: OMG, you again? I hate you, but I kinda misssed you, why don't you call anymore? You're going to jail"

"Q: What did Dahmer do when he finished his vegetables? A: He threw away their wheelchairs! "

"Happy Father's Day! You motherfuckers are alright!"

"Why did the salmon cross the road? To get to the front page"

"I want someone to look at me the way I look at the waiter when he brings my meal."

"Doctor Doctor I'm a burglar ! Have you taken anything for it ?"

"What did Helen Keller say after being handed a cheese grater? That's the worst book I ever read."

"Hot lady mouse looking for good time. Any mouse will do boy mouse or girl mouse. Groups preferred. Meet in woods AT NIGHT. Will be a hoot."