173197

Joke of the Day

"Hot lady mouse looking for good time. Any mouse will do boy mouse or girl mouse. Groups preferred. Meet in woods AT NIGHT. Will be a hoot."

"*strums ukulele* This one goes out to my ex wife, Lucy. It's called ""I know how much you hate ukuleles so I wrote a 9 minute ukulele song"""

"Told my black co-worker that I'm avoiding Africans at the airport this weekend. His response: ""I'm avoiding them everywhere!"""

"How do you open a banana safe? With a monkey. ^^^^I'll ^^^^see ^^^^my ^^^^way ^^^^out."

"What do you call a monkey in a minefield? A baboom!"

"1 in every 5 dolphins is a method actor."

"To the women who keeps waking me up at 3AM by pounding on my door: I'm not letting you out."

"You are proof that evolution CAN go in reverse."

"Why don't tortoises wear scarves? They have turtlenecks"

"Me: Check out that car. It has 400 horses. 5-year-old: Where does all the poop go?"