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Joke of the Day

"It's ridiculous that the pope has to go around surrounded by armed guards these days I know he's a priest but he's not going to do anything out in public"

"I was thinking about becoming a Muslim, I met a guy online that told me I could get a free vest if I signed up."

"A battery is like a loner They're both not included in anything"

"Thanks for telling me what BOGO means... It means a great deal to me."

"As a Volkswagen Engineer, do you know what really grinds my gears? The Tiptronic transmission, actually, but I invented these noise cancelling headphones!"

"My wacky Lutheran parents think my fiance is methane based because they don't belive in carbon dating."

"Carol learned a hard lesson the day she forgot the word berry when googling blueberry waffle recipes."

"I hate paying my income tax. You should be a good citizen - why don't you pay with a smile? I'd like to but they insist on money"

"What was the last thing that went through the fly's head when he hit the windshield? His ass."

"Remember, kids: Never get in cars with strangers unless you've used an app to select a specific stranger to drive you around in their car"