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Joke of the Day
"How many of you are household pets reading tweets while your owners nap?"
Next Joke
"[teaching my 3yo the alphabet] ""Ok what's a word that starts with Q"" cucumber ""That's uh... I don't... let's pick this up again tomorrow"""
"The Westboro Baptist Church is planning on picketing Fred Phelps funeral. I'm not sure they even know what they're doing anymore, you guys."
"How do you congratulate a fighter after winning a match? Good jab."
"What do you call a stick with autism? Autistic"
"Chuck Norris has never lost his virginity. Chuck Norris never loses."
"A coffee shop opened up inside a strip club Its name is ""Grinds for Divorce"""
"I once was bored so I decided to eat a clock to *pass the time*. It was very *time consuming*. Yuk yuk yuk yuk yuk"
"What did Mozart say to the police clerk? ""I'll be Bach"" hahaha. What do you mean they're different people"
"ME: nice fanny pack u weirdo KANGAROO: *puts phone in pouch, pulls out a knife* ME: holy shit"