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Joke of the Day

"What do you call someone that steals shoes? A sneaker."

"[at a bar] *creepy dude is hitting on me* Me: you wanna get outta here? Him: yeah Me: cool. I would love it if you left."

"Her: Sir, you account has been hacked. Me: Twitter? Her: No. Your Bank acc. Me: Ooooh Thank God."

"Only after getting married you realise that those husband-wife jokes were not just jokes."

"Who did E.coli call after it lost a fight in school? Broccoli"

"Wife: ""Did you know that some idiot paid $96,000 for Princess Leia's gold bikini?"" Me: [nervously tightening my robe] ""Who would do that?"""

"What's the easiest way to get a virus into ISIS computer systems? By sending them executables."

"Last night I woke up and saw the ghost of Gloria Gaynor... ... at first I was afraid, I was petrified."

"It appears that Jared Fogle has gain 30lbs since going to jail I guess that's what happens when you stop the child portions"

"Whats black on top but white on bottom? Rape."