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Joke of the Day

"[covered in olive oil, salt, pepper and other herbs and spices] Professor: ""That's just not what I meant when I said ""come prepared""..."""

"What does a waffle call his complete existential paradigm shift? His eggo death"

"What do you call it when an escort farts? A prosti-toot"

"Why didn't the butterfly go to the dance? Because it was a moth ball."

"IAmA hot dog cart owner, AMA my weiner!"

"What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas... hopefully with the exclusion of my money."

"How many /r/news mods does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. They like to keep their subscribers in the dark."

"As of now, I only know of three Jewish holidays: Hanukkah The Bar Mitzvah The Oscars"

"Reese Witherspoon was hit by a car in Los Angeles this morning. To be fair, the driver had just watched Four Christmases."

"I don't understand what you mean by 'stop drinking so much'. How else will you know how much I love you at 2am every day?"