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Joke of the Day

"Why did your sister keep running around her bed ? Because she was trying to catch up with her sleep."

"ME: you don't look anything like your profile photo TINDER DATE: LOL no, that's my pug, Arthur *silence for 10mins* ME: is Arthur coming or"

"Mortgage Dream The dream of the older generation was to pay off a mortgage. The dream of today's young families is to get one."

"What overalls does Mario wear? Denim Denim Denim"

"If you buy orange juice with ""Some Pulp,"" it's time to pick a side."

"Me: I was sober for 12 years AA Director: What happened ? Me: I turned 13...."

"My grandpa said ur generation relies too much on technology! I said, "" no your generation relies too much on technology!"" Then... I unplugged his life support"

"*Indian sending smoke signals* Buffalo... Coming... *other Indian replies* New... Fire... Who... Dis?"

"""I know what you look like naked"" - me to my girlfriends identical twin sister, every single time I see her."

"Why can't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is!"