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Joke of the Day

"I don't see why being an astronaut is so hard, school teachers do it. Get in the rocket, rocket goes up, rocket blows up. I could do that."

"What can't a man with no arms break? His fall."

"GF: every time we fight you start interpretive dancing *i dance beautifully for 12 minutes* GF: I DONT KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!"

"Pavlov's doorbell One tuesday afternoon Ivan Pavlov is reading the paper, when his neighbour rings the doorbell. Ivan jumps up out of his chair, suddenly remembering: ""Shit, I need to feed the dogs!"""

"When I'm at a friend's house & there are snacks, all I'm thinking is ""How do I eat everything without looking like a homeless person?"""

"My friend and I decided to race our Ford Pintos. Mine broke down three miles down the road. I had to walk the rest of the way. I won."

"What is atheism? A non-prophet religion Edit: Replace the word ""religion"" with ""set of beliefs"" if you're picky about that sort of thing"

"WHO WAS THE PERSON WHO PASSED UP THE CHANCE TO CALL GERMAN CURRENCY GERMONEY"

"How do black people get tans at the beach? They lay down on their backs and put their legs and arms toward the sky."

"It's hard dating a snowman... His parents will never warm up to you."