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Joke of the Day

"GF: every time we fight you start interpretive dancing *i dance beautifully for 12 minutes* GF: I DONT KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!"

"Where can you find best mother fuckers? In league of legends ~silver elo"

"Don't fear the onegina Commitment fearing men, do not fear the onegina syndrome, merely have a baby with her. It will feel like two."

"If someone ever intimidates you just remember that they're 70% water. *Are you afraid of water...?* Well you should be 300,000 people drown every year."

"Why did the man quit his job at the helium gas factory? He didn't like being spoken to in that voice"

"Did you hear about the football player that went to prison ? He went from being a tight end to being a wide receiver"

"ME: I think I have a get out of jail free card COP: this is a do 1 jail sentence get the next sentence 50% off & it's for our other location"

"What do you say to someone with a bladder problem? Urine trouble."

"I was a house painter for five years I didn't think I'd ever finish that fucking house"

"Whats the difference between an Audi and a porcupine? With a porcupine, the pricks are on the outside"