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Joke of the Day

"When my swear jar gets full I'm gonna use the money to buy a motherfucking puppy!"

"i pinched out a bowel movement while reaching for a stool."

"Why did the bird refuse Martin Luther's food? It was on a strict diet of worms. edit: changed pronoun to avoid ambiguity"

"If the creator of facebooks likes getting hurt... Is he a zucker for pain?"

"What do you call a guy that never farts in public? A privet tutor"

"I have a gardening tool that I use to dig up large amounts of treasure So yeah, I got a big booty hoe"

"Based on how much my bones and joints pop when I work out, I'm pretty sure I'm 80% rice krispies."

"If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple thank you is all I need. Don't concern yourself with how I got in your house."

"What's the difference between yogurt and white people? If left out for 4,000 years, yogurt will develop culture."

"Friends are like bananas. If you peel their skin and eat them, they will die."