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Joke of the Day

"If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple thank you is all I need. Don't concern yourself with how I got in your house."

"How does a deaf guy make a girl cum? By reading to her lips"

"Halloween ... The agoraphobic paedophiles favourite day of the year."

"What did the pilot say when his plane wasn't flying? ""Aw man, that's a drag."""

"A Jewish kid asks his dad... A Jewish kid asks his dad one day, ""Dad, I need five dollars."" His father replies, ""Four dollars? What the hell do you need three dollars for?!"""

"Hunting should only be legal if the animals are allowed to use weapons as well. I just want to see a bear with a sniper rifle."

"What is the difference between an old bus depot and a lobster with boobs? One is a busty crustacean and the other is a crusty bus station."

"What do you call a business that doesn't sell Apple's sea monster? A bus"

"Policeman: Why were you speeding? Driver: I didn't want to be late for my trial."

"I feel like I just won the lotto! Because I just paid the IRS a shit ton of tax."