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Joke of the Day
"I just want to be as happy as a character in the first half hour of a horror movie"
Next Joke
"The lesbian couple next door got me a Rolex for my birthday. I think they misunderstood what I meant by ""I wanna watch"""
"I bet Batman wears Liam Neeson underwear."
"""I'm giving a 'surprised' birthday party for you."" ""A 'surprised'. birthday party? What's that?"" ""That's where I invite a bunch of your friends and if any of them come I'll be surprised!"""
"Tell your mom to stop using different colored lipstick... My dick is starting to look like a rainbow"
"The early bird catches the worm. And the late bird catches one of the other trillion worms left. What's your point?"
"My oldest son & his gf were cooking & asked me how many 1/4 cups are in 1 cup .... Gonna write a nasty letter 2 college & ask for a refund"
"Why did the boy drop his ice cream cone? He got hit by a bus!"
"I just deleted all the German names from my phone Now it's Hans free."
"I had to take my son's dirty diaper off today. I don't know why I was wearing it in the first place."