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Joke of the Day

"I bet Batman wears Liam Neeson underwear."

"What do you call a disabled kid in a hot car A vegetable"

"Past, the present and the future.. The past, the present and the future all walk into a bar at the same time.. IT WAS TENSE!"

"[nsfw] I knew a girl who had a miscarriage while taking a shower It was the worst baby shower ever"

"[starbucks] me: can i take some wifi home with me? barista: um. sure(?) me: [holds tupperware container in the air & closes lid] thanks."

"How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Just follow the Fresh Prints"

"TIFU by trying to be witty at the airport... The TSA confiscated my protein powder asking ""Are you planning on building any bombs with this substance?"" I replied ""No, only guns."""

"My new record in a 100 m sprint Is 52 meters."

"I like my women like I like my coffee I don't like coffee."

"Do you think it's ok to lie to a girl in order to sleep with her...? Because I feel really bad about lying to my mom like that"