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Joke of the Day

"Why did the hipster burn his mouth? He drank his coffee before it was cool. Credit to my 15 yo son who made this one up. I'm fairly certain he browses Reddit but he wouldn't admit it to me."

"At my mom's house. Just asked if we could record Dateline and she said she doesn't have a blank VHS tape and now my left arm is numb."

"I've just bought the new Beach Boys mobile phone. The ringtones are shit but it has good vibrations."

"I hear mushrooms are good for your social life. They'll make you a really fungi."

"My body is a temple Only because it hates Palestine"

"Pamela Anderson What do you call the space between Pamela Anderson's breasts? Answer: Silicon Valley. Just heard this one today and wanted to share. Don't know if this is gonna be a repost."

"What does the twitter bird do when it needs money? It goes to Twerk!"

"A Baby Seal Walks Into A Club... I'll see myself out."

"Just saw my ex saw the girl I had a crush on with her new fiance at Ikea but you know what they say, when God closes a Stras Innjrden he opens a Fonstrvivig"

"When my wife falls asleep in a public place, I shake her a little and yell, ""DON'T YOU DIE ON ME!"" People always clap when she wakes up."