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Joke of the Day

"But I would walk 500 miles and I would walk 500 more to be the man who walked 1000 miles to get away from you. I want a divorce."

"A tip for Snowden. Apparently he is traveling all of the world but if you never want to appear in front of an American judge there is only one place to go... Guantanomo bay"

"If at first you don't succeed... So much for skydiving."

"What's the shortest book in the world? Deutscher Humor!"

"What did 1 lesbian bullfrog say to the other lesbian bullfrog? They're right we do taste like chicken!"

"I used to work as a waiter... ...the hours were terrible, but hey, it put food on the table."

"My neighbors son asked me to explain women to him. So I bought him an Xbox game for his PlayStation."

"INTERVIEWER: You put ""summoning demons"" as a special skill? ME: That's right. INTERVIEWER: *sweating profusely* When can you start?"

"Why do shoes get sad... Why do shoes get sad when they lose their matching shoe? Because they lost their solemate"

"I want someone to push me up against the wall.. lean in.. and softly whisper... ""I'll do your housework for you"""