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Joke of the Day

"My neighbors son asked me to explain women to him. So I bought him an Xbox game for his PlayStation."

"*cop pulls me over* Have you been drinking? No I- *water bottle now full of wine* *officer lowers shades. its Jesus* No one will believe you"

"I want to get a dog just so I can name it Stain That way when I take it to the park, and if it runs off, I can yell ""come Stain!"""

"What's worse than finding Astroglide on your Mom's shopping list? Finding an empty bottle in the trash."

"I'm interested in this girl who only dates Catholic guys... ... I guess you could call me a pope-less romantic"

"What type of tea do babies drink? Tit tea "

"Why do Santa and Mrs. Claus not have any children? ...because Santa comes but once a year"

"A guy knocked on my door asking for a donation to the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water."

"Back in the day, with $2 bucks you could go to the store and walk out with a bunch of Doritos, and beer. Now they have security cameras."

"I hate it when people ask me what I'll be doing in three years... I don't have 2020 vision!"