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Joke of the Day

"Where does an ape sleep? In an apricot."

"What should a teacher take if he's run down? The number of the car that hit him."

"Water into wine? I just turned my paycheck into vodka. Your move, Jesus."

"I'm afraid my pet's going to die soon - he's already 14,000,000 in rock-years"

"Don't you hate those people who are obsessed with tracking their steps? Fucking pedophiles."

"Autocorrect just changed ""I have so much anxiety I can barely breathe"" to ""I'm fine."""

"I'm not the best at giving advice when it comes to tequila So you'll have to take it with a grain of salt..."

"A guy walks into a laundry run by cats. ""Excuse me"" he said to the cat in charge ""Can you get milk stains out?"" ""Sure"" replied the cat. ""We'll have that stain licked in a minute!"""

"Language is cool because it's just a bunch of sounds, but put them in the right order & you can make someone cry or you can order tacos."

"Would you like to hear a joke about violence and torture? What is WRONG with you!"