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Joke of the Day

"People wont mess with you if you eat a cup of yogurt and then smash it on your forehead because youre tough and have healthy bowel movements"

"- If you insinuate that I'm fat again, I'm leaving you! - Don't be selfish, think about the baby. - What baby? - Oh, so you're not pregnant?"

"Hey girl, you know why they call me ""Toilet Paper?"" Because I'm so Charmin."

"My small child told me his opinion on politics and I disowned him for being a nerd"

"Don't worry, Donald Trump will declare bankruptcy and start a new country."

"Fondly remembering a time when I could wear an over-sized guy's cardigan and still look pretty sexy, now I just look like a crazy bag lady."

"1. Sit in stall of a crowded bathroom. 2. Whisper, ""Oh no, not again..."" 3. Slowly pour a large bucket of milk onto the floor."

"Whats a fly without wings? A walk"

"Take a pistol 1. Take a pistol 2. Point it to your head 3. Pull the trigger WHAT HAPPENS NEXT WILL BLOW YOUR MIND"

"My friend showed me a black computer he wanted to buy... I said ""Dont you mean an African American computer?"" and he replied ""Stop being so PC"""