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Joke of the Day

"I'm never mean to a girl in glasses, because she will most likely turn out to be hot and popular by the end of the movie."

"You know that guy who looks like that other guy in that show we used to like? He died. - how my wife and I communicate"

"""You're on your own, kid."" - A Republican village."

"My lesbian friends just got me a Rolex for my birthday. I think they misunderstood me when I told them ""I wanna watch."""

"What did the beaver say when he fell in water? Damn it."

"How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb? Well it ain't three cause my basement is still dark."

"Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was *two tired*."

"Mammals for $500 Alex ""Slow moving mammals that spend most of their time sleeping & eating"" What are sloths? ""Wrong, What are coworkers"""

"I just finished reading Mein Kampf... Pretty good for light reading, I rate it nein out of ten."

"Imagine how excruciating a conversation between Hodor, Groot, and Timmy from South Park would be."