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Joke of the Day

"An old dood told me this joke Whats pink and wet, and smells like pussy? Then he does [this](http://giphy.com/gifs/tongue-cody-simpson-dAKdA1l0GETVS) I love old people"

"[pet store] Um hi can I have 4 turtles & 1 rat Clerk: hah trying to make ur own ninja turtles dude Me:*hiding miniature sai and katana* n no"

"Why a pirate could not spell iris? He had only one 'i'"

"Man buys a cat, finds out cat is fake. It's the cats name... Ba dum dun... Tsi! Thanks folks, I'll be here all night..."

"Every month I clean my shower with an ammonia based solution... ... Which is ironic because ammonia is what made it dirty in the first place."

"I heard she was born naked, that slut."

"My wife told me to give her 12"" and make her scream... So I did her 3 times in the poop chute and wiped my junk on the curtain. (can't remember where I stole this from)"

"Why do jews have such big noses? Because oxygen is free"

"The worst part about being a giraffe is having a lot of time to think about your mistakes when you're sinking into quicksand."

"LPT: Converting your dishwasher into a snow blower! Give the bitch a shovel!"