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Joke of the Day

"How many Latin Americans does it take to change a lightbulb? A Brazilian."

"Ever since I became asexual I've found I have to repeat myself a lot. ... You're not getting it? Neither am I. ... Let me reiterate."

"""The concept of romantic love is obsolete in the modern era"" I declare loudly to no one in particular as I grab for another dinner roll."

"What do you call a chicken with lettuce on its eyes? Chicken Ceasar salad."

"""This is why I hate fancy restaurants, I can never pronounce anything on the menu"" -me, drunk, holding the Waffle House menu upside down"

"Did you hear about the guy who lost his left leg and arm in a car crash? He's all right now."

"What's the difference between being erotic and kinky? Erotic is when you use a feather. Kinky is when you use the whole dam bird!"

"How can you tell that a straight pin is confused? Just look at it. It's headed in one direction and pointed in the other."

"Recipes sound good until you realize that you don't have $846 worth of spices in your house."

"How did Pavlov keep his dogs so fluffy? He used conditioner on them."