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Joke of the Day

"What is the first thing a woman should do when she gets out of the Battered Women's Shelter? The dishes, if she knows what's good for her."

"If I am ever in a coma on life support I want my family to unplug me... And then plug me back in. See if that works."

"The speed of light is when you take out a bottle of beer out of the fridge before the light comes on."

"I was reading in the paper... And I read about some midget that got pick pocketed. I thought to myself, ""Who could stoop so low?"""

"What's the difference between batman and a black man One can go into the store without robbin"

"What happened to the man who died from drinking Shellac? He had a *lovely finish*."

"That awkward moment you run into someone in public that you know, and there is nowhere to hide."

"Namast'ay Away from negative people."

"My signature move is parking closely to the sports car at the end of the lot taking up four spaces."

"Josh tells his friend Steve, 'did you know 2 out of every 3 people live next to a paedophile?' Steve replies 'not me, I live next to two smoking hot 10 years olds'"