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Joke of the Day

"I was reading in the paper... And I read about some midget that got pick pocketed. I thought to myself, ""Who could stoop so low?"""

"If your clock strikes thirteen, what time is it? Time to get a new clock."

"They say ""dress for the job you want,"" but this space suit chafes and I'm not convinced that Arby's is truly committed to a space program."

"yes off course i'm an American My friend calls me up and asks ""Hey are you free tonight?"" And I say of course, I'm American"

"Today, I had two religious people for dinner. That makes me an ""ate-theist""."

"Hey girl are you from Tennessee? Because you look like your parents are related."

"What do you call a sexist masseuse? A massage-ynist."

"My son asked my wife what true love was ""It's spending the rest of your life with someone you want to kill and not doing it because you'll miss them"""

"I was having dinner .. .. .. with Garry Kasporov and on the table was a checkered tablecloth. It took him 2 hours to pass me the salt."

"""Daddy will u tuck me in?:)"" ""Ok"" *tucks him in* ""Daddy sing me a song:)"" ""Ok"" *clears throat* LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR LET THE BODIES H"