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Joke of the Day

"My wife is a computer geek and wants to name our son ""one eighth of a byte"" So I said ""Really honey? Don't you think that's a bit...?"""

"Q: What is a blonde's definition of a naval destroyer? A: A hula hoop with a nail in it."

"Dear whoever ate my fries while I was in the ball pit at McDonalds... Not funny, grow up."

"Did you hear about the butcher who backed up into a meat grinder? Apparently he got a little behind in his orders."

"I'm not sure what my three-year-old needs more, naps or an exorcism."

"It's impossible to be a parent and stay on twitter so I'm afraid it's time to say goodbye. So this is your uncle, you live with him now."

"BOSS: I set up a Suggestion Box. Please don't hesitate to- ME: [staring directly at boss while slowly stuffing cream cheese bagel into box]"

"What is the stupidest animal in the jungle? The polar bear."

"every night i whisper a hater's name into the wind and the wind whispers back, ""they just jealous... """

"Why your convertible is like the best girlfriend you've ever had (1) She enjoys when you're inside her (2) She squeals when you're going hard and fast (3) She takes her top off whenever you ask"