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Joke of the Day

"My signature move is parking closely to the sports car at the end of the lot taking up four spaces."

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"What is Beethoven's favourite fruit? BA-NA-NA-NA BA-NA-NA-NA"
"Roses are red, violets are blue...valentine's crap is over now don't you have some ironing to do?"
"You know when your girlfriend is horny when you put your hand down her pants and... it feels like you are feeding a horse."
"These Hoes Ain't Royals, said Chris Brown, pointing at Lorde and her friends."
"Actually, I don't think you're dyslexic; just really, really stupid. "
"told my mum i wanted to get a tattoo in a disgusted manner she replied 'over my dead body!' i was like, 'well i was planning on getting it on mine, whilst breathing'"
"What do you call a cold cafe worker? A burrrista."
"How many cops does it take to change a light bulb? They don't. They just arrest the entire room for being dark."
"""Keep pumping until something happens."" -Home Depot guy teaching me to prime the snow blower says the first thing I've understood."
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