211934

Joke of the Day

"Do buses and trains run on time? Usually yes. No they don't. Buses run on wheels and trains run on the tracks."

"My 6 year old daughter told me this morning that she wanted to grow up and be a feminist.. I told her she could only choose one."

"What you call a black priest? Holy shit."

"I have one friend who is very creepy and intense and whenever we take a photo together all I can think is ""this will be on Dateline someday"""

"Straight out of Gotham... This building, in the city I live in (in Tianjin, China) looks like it was taken straight out of Gotham City. http://imgur.com/j0RM7h3"

"You're a vegetarian who eats fish? I guess that makes sense since bears are basically vegetarians."

"I always like to have snacks while I surf porn. That way, I'm packing on the poundage while I'm pounding on the package."

"""Pardon me. Might I murder you with my musket? Yes? Excellent news, kind sir!"" - The Very Civil War"

"Lost my first follower today. Funeral is Tuesday. Will be live tweeting. It's what he would have wanted."

"""What did Shawn like most about his trip to Paris?"" ""He said it was lovely to hear the French pheasants singing the Mayonnaise."""