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Joke of the Day

"You don't need to wear clothes in public if you can run fast enough."

"What's M. Night Shyamalan's favorite flavor of ice cream? Twist"

"How do you know you are in a real lesbian bar? Not even the pool table has balls"

"Now I ain't sayin' she's a gold digger... But she did move to California in 1849"

"which toaster strudel is best toaster strudel im fucking this toaster strudel right now and im about to go ham on a ham and cheese hot pocket with my dick"

"Why is having fun with a prostitute like bungee jumping? Because if the rubber breaks, you're dead."

"*gets on 1 knee* Jenny... ""OMG"" *places hand on heart and starts crying* ""This is great!"" *gets on 2nd knee* I'm having a heart attack"

"Went to a public park and my 4yo was like, ""Is this Disney World?!"" The answer is yes and I'll cut anyone who tells her differently."

"Did you hear about the guy with the invisible penis? He came out of nowhere."

"When you accidentally type ""me"" instead of ""my"" I read your tweets as if you are a leprechaun."