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Joke of the Day

"What do you call an alien starship that drips water? A crying saucer."

"Did you hear about the magician that turned his family into a 3-piece suite but couldn't change them back? They were rushed to hospital where staff described them as ""comfortable""."

"Me: Let's try it have a nice weekend without any fighting, ok? Hub: Agreed Me: Wait, where are you going? Hub: Fishing. See you Monday"

"I sincerely hope that when I get older my children don't put me in a home or on a stage at a political convention."

"We grew up so poor we could only play Dungeons."

"How do you think the unthinkable? With an itheberg"

"You have advice? For me? I have a $5 Starbucks gift card that's older than you."

"I was on the subway when someone sneezed on me. I was so disgusted, I turned to him and said ""People like you make me sick."""

"A panda walks into a restaurant and orders a sandwich... After finishing his meal, he tries to pull out a gun, but the owner shoots him dead because he's seen this joke on /r/jokes a hundred times."

"What starts with ""E"" and has only one letter in it? Envelope!"