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Joke of the Day

"How many immature people does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Hehe... 'screw' Alternatively: 69, but everyone expects that one."

"Twitter has ruined me. Just wrote ""we'll deliver your load on time"" for a transportation client and broke into peals of laughter."

"Never date a tennis player. Love means nothing to them."

"Sitting across from a table of cops at a restaurant and convinced im going to get arrested for how gross I look eating this chicken wrap"

"Did you know princess diana was on the radio during her car accident? She was also on the dash, windshield and the hood"

"You find it offensive. I find it funny, that's why I'm happier than you."

"Ellie Goulding could really take her relationship to the next level... ... if she married Darth Vader (Don't know if I should be proud, but yes this is OC)"

"Strange that the chimney tends to survive a house fire. as a cold reminder of where the fire should have been. -Jimeoin"

"On one side of me was Dwayne Johnson, and the other, a stone fish. I guess I was just between the Rock and a hard plaice."

"What's the difference between a feminist and a Land Mine. Absolutely nothing."