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Joke of the Day
"The most impressive thing about marathon runners is how they don't check their phone for 3+ hours."
Next Joke
"What do you say when you fart on an elevator? Did you hear that asshole talking shit behind my back?"
"I imagine if I had a job doing manual labor, I'd be in great shape. Then I do 15 minutes of manual labor and reality comes back into focus."
"I am out of wine, so I ate a bag of grapes and threw myself down the stairs."
"Why are pills white instead of black? Because you want them to work don't you?"
"What is the opposite of an iPad Mini? A Maxi Pad"
"Facebook: Hey remember this pic of your dog that died? Me: Damnit Facebook not now. FB: Sorry... FB: Your ex girlfriend is getting married."
"You must have been born on a highway because that's where most accidents happen."
"definitions of twerk 1. to dance and gyrate in a sexually explicit manner 2. what a native of Brooklyn New York says where he goes in the morning"
"Rose petals? Next time scatter something I can eat."